The Rip Post                                                                                              

No madder the hatter. . .

Howard is getting Stern
Ashcroft is playing Butt Bongo on his head
Charlize Theron is afraid of commitment
I'm afraid of Charlize Theron
That blonde hair looks hard enough to crack your skull on
The other day I passed by a bunch of National Guardsmen doing drills under camoflague while hordes of SUV's ate the afternoon air
"There it is," said my pal, "Iraq in a nutshell. They're training so the SUV's can keep driving."
Well, it's enough to drive any sentient person crazy, but then
that would be a short drive these days for any sentient person
Fill her up and throw Charlize in the passenger seat, and breathe a sigh of relief that filthy Howard Stern will soon be gone
Imagine scatalogical and sex humor on the radio! Let's keep it where it belongs, in the living room
Jesus is coming, heads are getting fat, please put a dollar in Mel Gibson's hat
A "Christian" said that old Mel took a lot of risks with the film
What risks, I wonder, does a guy worth hundreds of millions of dollars take by spending $30 million for the biggest built-in audience in history?
Jesus is now a real superstar
Supersize Jesus!
Crucify Howard!
And Tommy Chong, Martha Stewart, Rush Limbaugh, Barry Bonds
Any celebrity will do
Say hallelujah! Have mercenary!
The "Christian" said Mel's $300 million profit is just a case of "Give and ye shall receive"
Dunno but I don't think Hay-zoos meant this in economic terms
If that were true, then rappers and Rupert Murdoch and people who market stand-up chicken roasters are the most exemplary Christians out there
Visualize world peas
Speaking of worlds, they took a picture in deep space of something that happened 13 billion light-years ago
give or take a billion
as the crow flies
Wonder what's happening there now?
Perhaps people are watching sitcoms there about buttcrack jokes and listening to bitchy radio commentators talking about their precious lives in hypertrophic cleverness and thick condescension
Perhaps there is a very stupid little president there, and a vice-president who doesn't care about the consequences of his decisions because he's going to die any second from a bad heart
Perhaps the air is being poisoned there, and people are driving grand machines around and being petulant and hostile
Then asking a Big Daddy deity to wipe their sin-slate clean again on Sunday
So they can go back out and be nasty with impunity
Perhaps they are going to movies about the Big Daddy deity and weeping about it, and buying nice new shoes and eating gigantic hot cow sandwiches and worrying a lot about gay marriage and abortion and Charlize Theron's fear of commitment
Forgetting about the big joker in the deck
Forgetting about the "no refunds" part of the deal
Forgetting that the rug will be pulled out from under them
Forgetting that the sun belongs to no one
And the sky is delicate as a robin's egg
Forgetting that the mornings come until they don't
no matter the chatter
no madder the hatter
It's all matter, but it doesn't matter.
---Charles Bogle


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