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(April 1, 2008)

          I have nothing to say.
          I was thinking of posting that as a column. After all, it quotes one of the funniest human beings who ever lived, Oliver Norvell Hardy. You can’t do any better. But thinking about Hardy reminded me of something terribly sad, and critically important, and I have at last decided to reveal here exclusively:
          Oliver Hardy was a Nazi.
          It’s true. Hardy was enlisted by Adolf Hitler to infect the western world with stupidity and obesity, and render it easy prey for conquest. I know this sounds ridiculous, but everything the Nazis did sounds ridiculous. This was a Goebbels idea---to use comedy to infiltrate the minds of post-Depression Americans, and plant notions of sloth and false pride. What better model than the pompous, absurd dignity of Hardy's screen persona? It is perhaps no coincidence that see-no-evil isolationists were well-known devotees of Laurel and Hardy films.
          And there was another, even more sinister device at work. Hitler and co. were hardly unaware of the “close friendship” of the screen characters of “Stan (Laurel) and Ollie,” who often slept in the same bed on screen, etc. German marks were secretly funneled through Hardy to films---in order to subliminally encourage homosexuality in the west. This being intended to further “soften up” the enemy
          Yes, I realize it’s all difficult to believe, ladies and gentlemen, and this merely demonstrates the advantage that Hitler and Hardy held over the public at the time. Incredulity is the edge for those in power. Remember: few believed the death-camps existed during the war, despite reports. As they used to say of Dracula, “The strength of the vampire is that no one believes in him.”
          There are enlightened, skeptical, thinking people in this country not yet “doped with religion and sex and TV,” as John Lennon sang, who will understand all too well about Hardy and Hitler (and much else.) The rest may now continue buying into everyday reality, and numb themselves with cocktails and “American Idol.”
          Not even Stan Laurel knew that Hardy was actually a covert Nazi. Their association was cordial, but professional, not personal. Between films, Laurel worked on new screenplays while Hardy was covertly flown to Germany, where he conferred with Hitler, Himmler, Goebbels on propaganda techniques. At one point, Hardy toured Nazi manufacturing plants and troop training centers, exhorted by Hitler to boost morale. A note survives from Der Fuhrer to the fat man:
          “Krieg ist Hölle, aber Gelächter ist Himmel, mein lieber dicker Freund.”
          There was a well-known incident in which a Hardy pratfall almost caused disaster in a bomb manufacturing plant, and there is a very interesting rumor that the shape of the comedian’s bowler hat helped inspire Edward Teller to solve a particular physics problem related to the invention of the atomic bomb(!)
          In the only film evidence of a Hardy visit, very poor footage survives showing a man believed to be Hardy attempting unsuccessfully to climb into a German U-boat, prevented by his own girth. Whether this was an actual event or a stunt is unknown, but Goebbels can be seen in the frame, doubled over with laughter.
          Of course, everyone remembers the patented Oliver Hardy tie-twiddle. This, astoundingly enough, was a private joke among the Nazi hierarchy. It was actually an encoded Hitler salute. How they must have roared in Berlin.
         Oh, and as for Hardy's narrow moustache, can there be any other reason for its having been so trimmed than in tribute to Der Fuher's own iconographic facial hair?

          I wrestled with my conscience over revealing these matters, as I cherish Laurel and Hardy movies. The last thing I want to do is to diminish their wonderful screen work. But I feel this is simply too important to keep to myself any longer. The information was given to me way back in 1987 by Dr. Eustace McGargle, the late historian whose work was shunned as crackpot and unsupported by those who control the official stories (read: fables) of history. Dr. McGargle granted me extensive taped interviews, more of which I will share in the coming months. I have kept the tapes to myself all these years for fear of tainting my impeccable reputation as a journalist, but I think today’s times call for the truth, more than ever.
          Here is more:
          Hardy (a native southerner known for singing “Dixie” as a young entertainer) was recruited to work for the Nazis, Dr. McGargle informed, directly by “The Illuminati.” For those who have not yet grasped the Illuminati construct in which we are but ant-like pawns, The Illuminati is the secret group of almost impossibly wealthy world controllers who essentially shape all events on the planet. Descended from the original free-thinking Bavarian Illuminati of the 18th century, the modern version trains and places important world leaders in power. All are merely employees doing as they are instructed, from Lincoln to Roosevelt to Hitler to Obama.
          The Illuminati are all Jewish Masons---subscribers to a strange mesh of mysticism, Judaism, and power (also, curiously, builders of fine porcelain sinks and toilets.) And we now know, thanks to Dr. McGargle, that Lincoln, Roosevelt, Hitler, were also Jewish Masons (as is Obama.) If this is new information for you, and you are rolling your eyes, thinking, “another anti-Semitic conspiracy nut,” please go read your New York Times.
          Yes, Hitler was a Jew whose self-loathing fueled his genocidal “final solution.” He and Roosevelt were actually cousins, and Roosevelt helped plan the death camps. Churchill? He was heavily consumed with fear of communists, and was counting the days until he could surrender England to Hitler and retire to cigars and brandy and young boys. Lincoln? A white supremacist who planned to incarcerate all the slaves and let them starve to death---but was ultimately opposed by The Illuminati, who sensed the money that black entertainers might one day generate. Lincoln’s assassination was faked (of course) by The Illuminati, who substituted a double named Elmer Prettywillie, and Honest Abe lived to old age herding sheep in Patagonia with a family of six black slave-wives and 23 children.
          As for Obama, well, as has been widely reported on informed alternative websites, he is a bisexual crack addict and murderer who has engaged in sado-masochistic sex trysts with Russian President Vladimir Putin and German Chancellor Anna Merkel (though not at the same time, as far as is known.) Obama and Hillary Clinton (also a Jew) are former lovers (during the post-Lewinsky estrangement period) and he and John McCain (of the Jewish-Irish McCains) have been placed in current positions by The Illuminati as distractions/entertainment for the public. Whoever is elected president of the United States is of no consequence, as he or she is thoroughly under Illuminati control and its program to reduce the USA to moral and economic chaos.
          But back to Hardy. He remained a Nazi loyalist despite the collapse of the regime, and was witnessed by neighbors, late in life, drunkenly shouting in German from inside his San Fernando Valley home. One witness, Laurence G. Fowler, is quoted in the old Van Nuys News and Green Sheet as having heard this phrase repeatedly:
          “Das is ja eine schöne Situation in die Sie mich da gebracht haben!
          (Fowler died mysteriously in a car accident after reporting this to the media. The official version was that a peccary ran in front of his Ford Edsel, yet peccaries were practically unknown in the Valley, and Fowler always drove Pontiacs.)
          Next week I will reveal for the first time how the cross-dressing cartoon character, Bugs Bunny (a Jew), was a covert communist agent paving the way for today’s multi-gender American culture, and how Bunny’s rampant promiscuity was the original factor in the spread of AIDS.
          And in the coming months:
          Marilyn Monroe (Jewish) was a shape-changing alien used by The Illuminati to subvert John F. Kennedy until it was discovered that Kennedy himself was a shape-changing alien (subsequently “killed” using a double); Al Gore is a Zionist agent angling to take over the Illuminati using the false global warming pretext as a power wedge; Bill Clinton is a hermaphrodite; Hillary actually had the affair with Lewinsky, and Bill's story was a cover to protect his wife; Yoko Ono is a 4,000 year old Egyptian princess who eats only raw liver; Paul McCartney (Jewish) is actually a 65-year-old fat guy.
          Yes, I realize this is a lot to take in for novices, but please keep an open mind, as Dr. McGargle did.

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