The Rip Post                                                                                              

Holiday Cheers
Sing hi, sing ho for Christmas dough
To make the season bright!
Sing buy! Sing sell! As coffers swell
To CFOs’ delight.
‘Cause after all “Joyeux Noel”
Means “Profit’s outta sight!”

So swell the praise of holy days,
They keep our boat afloat.
They fuel the great consuming spate
That keeps our gross domestic rate
From meeting Argentina’s fate,
And GNP a-bloat.

Don’t lecture me on blasphemy,
Or keeping Xmas purer,
Or Christ’s debut amid the ewes --
A lamb of the Prime Mover --
To mitigate the human fate:
Par broiling on a skewer.

‘Cause Christ, ‘ya know, hauled in some dough
Plus frankinscense and myrr
From three wise guys who tracked the skies
For meetings to occur
Between the stars and planets bright
In frigid, freezing desert night
To celebrate the holy sight
(Ignoring the manure).

Sweet Jesus set a precedent
For gifting in December,
And who can fault the gross result
The Magi’s gifts engender?
Cheese log cornucopias!
Plasma screens and Elmo!
Paris Hilton’s special smell,
A stay in San Anselmo!

As oaken trees will germinate
From acorns small and shiny,
So billion dollar selling booms
Grow from causes tiny.
So merchants’ toast the six-pound babe
Who promised Intercession,
And save a brew to hoist a few
To Mary’s indiscretion.
                     ---K. Rense


© 2002 Rip Rense. All rights reserved.